It seems that life has caught up with me. Or I have caught up with life. I’ve finished telling you about my brilliant holiday. Since then I’ve been working and taking it easy. Making a crazy number of paper snowflakes. Watching Xmas films.
I haven’t done anything particularly exciting and haven’t got any pictures as I haven’t taken any in a while. Not with my camera. I’ve taken loads with my phone and stuck them on instagram (and sideways onto facebook). You’ve probably already seen them.
This is a really long winded way of saying I don’t have much to say.
So, I’m going to write about how I’ve been feeling and what I’ve been thinking. Feel free to stop reading.
I had a moment on the beach in Hoi an when I panicked ever so slightly about what I’m doing with my life. I came to Japan for a reason. More than one really. I won’t go back over them. They were good reasons and they got me here. Since I got here there has been a lot of talk about the job I do. The good and bad points.
There is an awful lot of advice, most welcome, some not. You are told what it’s like to live here. What the people are like. What to expect, what not to expect. You are told every situation is different. That always seemed too obvious to me but apparently lots of people struggle with it. It’s not just every situation, every person is different. What makes one person happy can make another miserable.
You are told that the average length of time to spend here is two years. That you only begin to feel like you understand, that you are getting it after the first year. That you need a reason to leave after one year and a reason to stay after two.
I’ve been going over and over what I want to do. If I want to stay for another year. There are reasons to stay. There are reasons to go. I have to decide which are more important to me. That’s when the advice can get too much for me and I need to stop listening. I know what’s best for me but I have to consider other people’s opinions in case I’m wrong. And that’s when my head starts to melt. Because I have never found a way to respond or get people to stop giving me advice or their opinions without coming out of it as the arsehole. And I don’t seem to be able to tune them out or not hear them, I wish I could.
I may have mentioned before that I was worried about coming back to Japan after my holiday. I can’t remember if I did or not but I was worried about it. I still felt like I was on holiday here and the homesickness had slightly hit before I went on holiday. It was getting cold. It had been 3 months. I still didn’t know what I was doing. I missed people. I missed my flat. I wanted to go home.
I love going on holiday and I love coming home. But I wouldn’t be coming home. I’d be coming back to Japan. I was worried that would fully kick start homesickness and wanting to leave. I was quite surprised that it didn’t. I felt quite content back in the wee place I now live. See how I’m deliberately not calling my flat. Because I’m in panic mode again. Because I think I’ve made my decision. I know I’ve made my decision. I’m still thinking about it. I won’t commit until I have to but I’m fairly certain that I have decided what I’m going to do.
So, rather than leave it with just this slightly gloomy post, Here a picture of all the paper snowflakes I made decorating my flat for Xmas.